The Naruto Auction
by Chibi Lover XDDD
Summary: The village of Konohagure has fallen under hard times. Tsunade tells the council to start thinking up new ideas to help Konoha. That's when Shizune got the idea to have a little auction. Auction of what, you ask? An auction of Konoha's finest shinobi!
1. The Auction

**AN: Hello everybody! This is SasuNaru Fan XDDD! Some of you may know me as one of your trusted reviewers. If you do, then you'd know that I have never flamed anyone, and I don't expect to be flamed (If you don't have anything nice to say, don't say anything at all). But that doesn't mean that I don't welcome critiques. It's just that this is my first attempt at fanfiction and I don't want to be discouraged from doing this again. This story will probably be a two-shot.**

**More important AN: I don't really like these couples, so few, if any of them will be in this story: ItaNaru, ItaSasu, NejiHina (Incest sickens me), ChoIno, ShinoShika, ShinoKiba, NaruSaku, SasuSaku, LeeSaku (I don't like Sakura at all, but neither do most SasuNaru fans), GaiLee, GaaLee, GaaNeji (Gaara's mine glares), GaaHina (seriously, where did that couple come from, cause I don't see it) KakaIru (I just don't think that he's gay), or SasuHina (do we really want to see some retard kid with messed up eyes containing some crack baby mix of the Sharingan and the Byakugan?) If you don't like, turn away now.**

**Disclaimer: I'll write a disclaimer when Masashi Kishimoto comes to my house and asks me to**

_**Ja Ne XDDD**_

* * *

The announcer climbs onto the podium as the auction begins. "And the first person up to bid is Nara Shikamaru. 

A man of about 15 gets poofed on a stage. "WTF! How did I get here?"

One of the workers whispers to him, "You're getting auctioned off for a week as part of a Konoha fundraiser. All of the male ninja were considered and a few of the finalists were randomly chosen."

Shikamaru sighed. "So troublesome…"

The announcer continued. "This man has an IQ of over 200, was the youngest in his class to become Chuunin, and his ultimate goal is to marry a woman who's not too pretty and not too ugly. Ladies, let's snatch him up while we still have the chance! Let's start the bidding at 75 dollars-

"75"

Okay that's 75 dollars from… Temari of the sand! Okay do I hear 80-

"80 dollars"

That's 80 dollars from… Yamanaka Ino?! Wait, don't you like… whatever. Do I hear –"

"85" (T)

"100" (I)

"150" (T)

"200" (I)

"250" (T)

"400 dollars" (I)

"Four hundred dollars, now that's what I'm talking about! Do I hear 410?" said the announcer. There was a pause. Temari didn't have all that money on her.

"Well," the announcer continued, "I guess selling flowers is a profitable business. 400 dollars going once, going twice, sold for 400 dollars!" Ino led Shikamaru away, him muttering all the while, "so troublesome."

"Now that that's over, let's move on to our next offer, Uzumaki Naruto!"

A peculiarly orange ninja was poofed in, and by the looks of it, he had just been training. Looking around and dropping his kunai to his side, he yelled out, "Alright, who brought me here? Show yourself!" After everything was explained to him twice, he enthusiastically said, "All Right! I'm going to make twice as much as anyone else. Believe it!"

"Okaaaaaay" the announcer said. "Now, this boy is one of the best ninjas at his level, has studied under one of the legendary Sennin, has dreams of being Hokage, and no matter how old he gets, he's always so adorable with those big blue eyes. Now let's start the bidding at 75 dollars."

Silence.

"Okay, how about at 50 dollars?"

By now, Naruto was starting to get nervous, until he spotted Sakura amongst the crowds. "Come on, Sakura, you're not going to bid on me - wait hey don't hide from me, I know you can hear me!"

"Then how about-" but the announcer was cut off when someone with a cell phone in hand whispered something in his ear. The announcer continued. "Well, it appears that we have a phone bid for Mr. Uzumaki for 500 dollars. Since no one else is bidding I'll-"

"S-six hundred"

"Wow!" the announcer said. "We have 600 dollars from… Hyuuga Hinata!"(AN: Hinata was there the whole time, but was to shy to bid on Naruto until someone else did)

"The guy bidding over the phone said 1000, sir" said the guy from before. Naruto gulped when he heard the word, "guy."

"F-fifteen hundred"

"The guy said 2000"

"Th-three thousand"

"The guy said 5000"

"S-seventy five hundred"

Everyone waited for the mystery guy to bid.

* * *

Meanwhile, somewhere in the Sound village, 

"…7500?! You just tell them I said 10 thou-"

At this very moment, Orochimaru came in. "Sasuke, what are you doing on my cell phone?! You know I already used up all of my minutes! Get off now!"

"But…"

"NOW!"

Sighing, Sasuke hung up the phone.

* * *

"Okay, 7500 going once, going twice, sold to Hyuuga Hinata. Claim your prize!" 

Naruto glomped Hinata as soon as he was let go. "Thanks, Hinata, but why did you pay so much for me? Hinata? HINATA?!" During Naruto's speech, Hinata blushed, and then fainted. Naruto carried her to her seat, and continued trying to wake her up.

"For our next offer we ask that no one under 18 make a bid. Now, without further adieu, we bring you Hatake Kakashi!"

Kakashi was then poofed in, but he was too deep in his little orange book to notice or care.

"Now this man is one of the highest level jonin in our village, he'll protect anyone he loves with his life, and he probably gets a lot of ideas from Icha Icha. If that's not enough, then look at his ass! Let's start the bidding at 500 dollars."

"500"

Okay, so that's 500 dollars from Anko? Great, now do I hear 600?

"1000"

"We have 1000 from Kurenai"

"Wait a damn minute here!" Asuma said. Kurenai had dragged him there and now she was gonna bid on Kakashi?! "What about me?!"

"Sorry," said Kurenai. "But you heard what the announcer said. I mean have you seen his ass?!"

The announcer continued. "Can I hear 1500?"

"1500" (A)

"2000" (K)

"2500" (A)

With that, Kurenai was out. "Okay 2500 going once, going twice-"

"5000"

"5000! 5000 going once, going twice, sold to… Umino Iruka?!"

Iruka grabbed Kakashi and dragged him to their seats, causing Kakashi to drop his Icha Icha Paradise book. Surprisingly enough, it was Iruka that picked it up and handed it to Kakashi. 'It might give him some ideas' Iruka thought, fighting back a blush.

"Our next person up to bid is sure to bring out the big bucks. Now, for the first time in 2 years, let me present to you Uchiha Sasuke!" Needless to say, the following fangirl screams could deafen all of Konoha, and they had just gotten over the headaches too…" The needed hand signs were done and Sasuke was poofed into the room.

"…I don't care if it will make me stronger; I'm not taking my pants off… WHERE THE HELL AM I?!"

After it was explained to him, it took several ANBU to restrain him. He didn't need much introduction, so the announcer just started off. "Do I hear 75-"

"75"

"100"

"125"

"150"

(Several hours later)

The money got so high that the girls in the 'Sasuke WILL Come Back Club' had to pair up and then group up to compete. In the end, Sasuke was sold to a group of 10 fan girls for a combined total of 2543 dollars and 79 cents. The rabid fan girls didn't need the ANBU's help in restraining Sasuke. They had his arms bound so that he couldn't perform any jutsu, and were each now fantasizing about how to spend their own special time with him.

"Okay, our next person up is… Subaku no Gaara!"

Gaara was then poofed into the room. Temari had to explain everything to him, seeing as he killed or injured anyone else who came within arm's reach. He then went on to say "This makes no sense. I'm not even from Konahagure." He shrugged it off and went along with it.

"Gaara is the Kazekage of Suna, and he's got that 'bad boy' attitude that all the girls love. So who's going to be the first one to break his rock-hard sand-shell? Let's start the bidding at 75 dollars."

"75"

"Do I hear 85?"

"85"

"100"

"125"

"150"

"200"

"300"

"500"

"1000 dollars"

"1000 dollars going once, going twice, sold to the Mystery girl!"

A loud "Yatta!" was heard as a girl of 14 who suspiciously resembled the author made her way to the front.

"I'll kill you," said Gaara

"Umm, cookie?" said the Mystery girl cough author cough.

"Yatta!" Gaara said and glomped her.

"Okay," the announcer said, "The last person up is… Rock Lee!

Rock Lee was then poofed in. after they explained everything to him, he exclaimed, "Yosh! This auction is so wonderful and full of youth! I can't wait to share my youthfulness with all of Konohagure!"

"Rock Lee is enthusiastic, hard working, honest, and truthful, so you know that he'll never cheat on you. Shall we start the bidding at 75 dollars?"

Silence

"Okay, how about 50?"

More silence

"25?"

(You guessed it) Even more silence

"Okay sweatdrop" said the announcer. The announcer wasn't happy about this. The village really needed the money. Then an idea struck. The announcer walked over to Rock Lee and whispered, "Lee, can you please take off your shirt for the lovely ladies of Konohagure? It will show off your er youthfulness."

Lee replied with a "Yosh, I'll do anything for the power of youth!" and he proceeded to take of his shirt, inciting many nosebleeds from the audience.

"Now," the announcer said. "Do I hear-"

"75"

"85"

"100"

A few minutes later, it was between Sakura, who suddenly realized how much she loved Lee when she saw his exposed chest, and Tenten, who wile she still liked Neji, was temporarily blinded by the muscles before her.

"500" (S)

"dramatic pose with tears The lotus that is the love between Sakura and I has finally bloomed!"

"550" (T)

"dramatic pose with tears (again) Yosh! I am honored by the love of everybody! This whole room is full of youth!"

"600" (S)

"Okay," the announcer said after the slight pause. "600 going once, going twice,"

"Wait!" Tenten said. "Can I pay in kunai?"

"Sorry, but cash only. Okay, 600 dollars going once, going twice, sold to Ms. Haruno!"

"Yosh, Sakura! I am moved by your youthfulness and-" But Lee was cut off when Sakura put her hand to his mouth.

"If I throw in 5 bucks, can you duct tape his mouth for me?" Sakura asked.

"Sure," the announcer said, and sighs of silent relief went throughout the crowd.

Well, that's our auction. Have a safe trip and get out!

* * *

**Hey everybody! It's me again! I hope you liked it, because I used up a whole day writing it. Review please! If you review enough, I'll post chapter 2, which tells what happened after everybody leaves. And If I get more, I'll write one where the girls get auctioned off. Don't be** **afraid to ask questions. Well, that's it, so-**

_**Ja Ne XDDD**_


	2. Later that Night

**AN: Hello, all my adoring fans (blows kisses and hands out cookies and pocky to those who reviewed)! ****SasuNaru FanXDDD** **is back! I have good news and bad news. The bad news is that this is the last chapter (holds up "Say AWW" sign), but the good news is, that if I get enough reviews, I will write a sequel where the girls get auctioned off (holds up "APPLAUSE" sign)! Thanks to the love of my newest fans (I have fans! Yatta! still can't get over it and probably never will) I am writing this as soon as I can to make everyone happy! Oh! I'd like to thank **landiddy, Shrimps of Mass Destruction, Extrarius Scriptor, Demonkid**, and **Kikana** for their great reviews! And read **Extrarius Scriptor**'s story, **Konquest of Konoha** (but after you finish reading mine!)**

**Warnings: Cursing, sexual context, Sakura torture, and a bitch fight (that got your attention, didn't it?!)**

**Disclaimer: I'll write a disclaimer when someone on this website proves to me that they do. (Random guy pops up with ownership papers) Well, FINE! I do not own Naruto, but if you read the last chapter, you'd know that I do own Gaara for a week.**

_**Ja Ne XDDD**_

_Later that night…_

(At Ino's House)

"So Shikamaru," Ino said. "Do you wanna go to the movies?"

"Nope" Shikamaru said flatly

"Why not?" she asked.

"Too troublesome." Shikamaru replied.

"Do you wanna go and watch the fireworks?" she asked. (AN: Happy 4th of July, everyone!)

"Too troublesome." Shikamaru replied.

"Do you wanna have sex?" Ino asked, hoping that he would reply differently.

"Too troublesome." Shikamaru replied yet again.

"WTF! How is _sex_ too troublesome?!" By now, Ino was starting to get angry.

Shikamaru sighed before replying. "You have to move around a lot, it takes a lot of work to do it right, and by the time you're done, you've gotten all sweaty. What a drag."

"Aargh!" and with that, Ino flopped on her bed. Then, an idea struck her. She shot straight up and asked, "How about oral sex? You don't have to move around, I'll be doing all the work!"

With that, a blush started to form on Shikamaru's cheeks. In order to hide this, he sighed, and said, "Fine. Sure. Whatever, troublesome woman."

"Yatta!" And with that, Ino began to take his pants off. When she had finished that, and had begun to take off his boxers, a giant fan busted through her bedroom window.

"Bitch what the hell are you doing with _my_ man?!" Temari yelled.

"Your Man?! According to that auction, I own him! It's not my fault you can't afford him!" shouted Ino.

"At least I can afford good clothes! Have you seen your outfit (AN: I hate Ino's outfit post-time skip)! What, did you make it all by yourself?!" (T)

"What did you say bitch?!" (I)

"Are you deaf?!" (T)

"Get the fuck out of my house, slut!" (I)

"Who are you calling a slut?! It didn't take you too long to try and get into Shikamaru's pants over there!" (T)

"Which is further then you're ever gonna get with him!" (I)

"Bitch you wanna piece of me?!" (T)

"Bring it on, Bitch!" (I)

Shikamaru just sat there, watching the two go back and forth at each other, and decided that watching a bitch fight was most definitely not troublesome.

Shikamaru always did like blondes…

(At Hinata's house)

Naruto was sitting on Hinata's bed ALONE, grumbling to himself. Hinata had told him to stay there and wait for her to come out.

"N-naruto-kun!" (H)

"Huh? O yeah! Hurry up Hinata!" (N)

"O-okay, Naruto-kun." And with that, Hinata came into the room in a semi-transparent lavender teddy, causing an overly-dramatic nosebleed from Naruto that only anime characters can get away with.

"N-naruto-kun, are you okay?" (H)

"I'm fine, Hinata," he said through his hands. "It's just—THUD!" Apparently, Naruto had passed out from the severe loss of blood.

"NARUTO-KUN!" After 30 minutes of shaking, Naruto finally woke up.

"Huh? What? What happened?" (N)

"Y-you passed out, Naruto-kun." (H)

"Oh," he said. And then he looked at Hinata, who at this time had his head in her lap. "H-hinata-chan?" he managed to stutter out.

"Y-yes, Naruto-kun?" (H)

"Y-you look r-really pretty today, Hinata-chan." (N)

Hinata looked at Naruto with shock clear on her face. Soon after, though, the shock was replaced with a smile as she said, "Thank you, Naruto-kun!" (AN: notice that she didn't stutter). 'All right,' Hinata thought. 'This is the day. This might be your only chance!'

"N-no p-problem, Hinata-chan. U-uh, Hinata-chan?" (N)

"Yes, Naruto-kun?" (H)

"W-why are you l-looking at me like t-that?" (N)

"Oh, no reason, Naruto," Hinata said, a smirk/grin forming on her lips. Before he had the chance to say anything else, Hinata jumped on him, kissing him and forcing him to lie down on her bed, not that he really minded. Fortunately (ver, VERY fortunate) for Naruto, tonight was the night that Hinata had decided to break out of her shell.

(At Iruka's house)

"Nggh! Faster! Harder! Ka-ka-SHIII!"

o.O. Wow. They didn't waste any time, did they? Let's move on, shall we? (AN: I've never written a lemon before, and if I did, I'd have to move the rating up to M)

(In the house of the fan girl that lives the closest)

"Oh Sasuke-kuuuuuun! Are you ready?" sang fangirl # 7

"Yeah, Sasuke! We paid a lot of money for you, and we're gonna get every. Last. Penny's worth." Chimed fangirl # 4

":sweatdrop: Okay. Hey, can't we talk first? Wait, hold on!"

Needless to say, Sasuke wasn't happy about this one bit. It's not that he didn't like sex, it was just that

1)The screaming of the fan girls was already giving him a headache

2)He was still tied up

3)He'd rather be with a certain blonde right now, with the positions reversed, of course XD (to all who still want to cling to their hopes of his heterosexuality, you can just pretend it's Ino)

"Hey! Wait! Stop! Let go! Don't put your hands there!" But his pleas were deaf to the ears of his fan girls. If anything, they just brought on more screaming and giggling.

'Well,' Sasuke thought, 'at least I'll finally be able to revive my clan.'

(At the Mystery girl's :cough: author's :cough: house)

"So, Gaara, what do you want to do?" said the Mystery girl :cough: author :cough:.

"Let's see… I want to kill everyone on this earth, and maybe I should start with you…" replied Gaara.

"Okay sweatdrop. Umm, cookie?" asked the Mystery girl :cough: author :cough:.

"What kind?" he asked.

"Well, when I heard about the auction, I decided to bake every type of cookie I knew how. I have freshly made sugar, chocolate chip, peanut butter, oatmeal raisin, gingerbread, and snicker doodles (AN: yes, it's an actual cookie).

"Yatta :glomps!"

After he tries the cookies, and sees how delicious they are, he says, "I don't think that I'll kill you after all."

"What a relief," She sighed out. "You know Gaara, I really like you."

"Oh, that's great. Another fangirl" he grumbled.

"No, you've got it all wrong, Gaara! I like you, but not just for your looks! I like your personality, too!"

":blushes: Well…"

After that, Gaara decided to stay with the Mystery girl :cough: author :cough: forever.

(AN: Sappy, I know, but it does have a purpose! Now I own Gaara, and Gaara loves me!)

(At Sakura's house)

"Yosh, Sakura! This room shines with the youth that is the lotus blossom of Sakura! The youthfulness is so youthful that even youth itself is challenged by its youthful youthfulness! …youth …youth …YOUTH!

:Inner Sakura Thinking: 'This is terrible! Chaa! Lee won't shut up, and I'm all out of duct tape! If he doesn't shut up son, I'm gonna pulverize him! Chaa! Oh wait, I have an idea, and it's a good one! Chaa!'

Sakura ran to her cell phone, which was on its charger, and started looking through the Contacts list. Finding the number that she was looking for, she pressed 'talk'

Ring

Ring

Ring

Finally, the person on the other end picked up. "Hello?" she asked.

"Hey, Tenten" Sakura said, trying to act as calm as possible. "You know, I was thinking… you've known Lee way longer than I have, and you _did_ seem to really like him at that auction, so how about I let you have him for the rest of the week? It'll be free of charge, of course."

"Uhh… sorry, Sakura. Not right now. I'm a little busy." (T)

"Busy with what?" Sakura was starting to get frantic now. I f she didn't get rid of bushy brows soon, one of them would suffer major internal damage. "This is your home phone number, so you can't be on a mission or anything!"

"I'm sorry, Sakura. I can't right now. I-" (T)

"Who are you talking to, Tenten?"

"Hold on, Sakura." Tenten put her hand over the receiver, but Sakura just strained her ears to hear the conversation.

"It's just Sakura, honey." (T)

"Fine. Hurry up and get rid of her."

"Okay," Tenten said.

Then Tenten diverted her attention back to Sakura. "Sorry about that, now what were we talking about?"

"W-wait," Sakura said. "Was that Hyuuga Neji that I heard in the background? Why is he at your house and why did you call him 'honey' and why did he want me off the line so quick and… Oh."

"I'm sorry, Sakura," Tenten said. "I have to go now." Sakura could practically see the blush that was no-doubt flooding Tenten's face, and started to feel embarrassed herself.

"Oh, okay then. Bye." Sakura said. As soon as she had said this, though, she remembered why she had called in the first place. "Tenten! No, Wait-" Click. It was too late. Tenten had already hung up.

"Yosh, Sakura! How was your phone call?! Was it youthful?!" :SNAP:

Sakura had finally had enough. She had gone insane. And the only thing she saw that could erase the word "youth" from her memory was the conveniently placed wall. So, Sakura got up and started bashing her head against that very wall. Hard. Repeatedly. With all of the strength from her genjutsu training. Unfortunately for her, though, the "method to her madness" was still in the room.

"Sakura-chan! What are you doing?! Oh, I see! It is some technique of yours that enhances your youthfulness:does goodguy pose: I shall try this as well." Lee started to bang his head against the wall, too. "Look, Sakura-chan! I believe that I have found a more youthful way!"

"ARGH!" Sakura groaned, and continued to bang her head against the wall.

**Aww! I just love a happy ending -! Well, I believe that there are some parts of this chapter that are totally kick-ass, and some that are shit. So, I feel I should apologize fore the crap I put you guys through to get to the good parts. I don't think the part about Naruto and Hinata flowed right, Sasuke's part just seemed wrong, Kakashi and Iruka's scene was way to short, Gaara's scene was barely even funny, and Tenten said sorry way too much. But other than that, it's great. I guess what they say is true. You know, about yourself being your worst critic. I couldn't make it any better if I tried. And believe me, I've tried. Well, if I get enough reviews, I'll right a sequel where the girls get auctioned off, but none of the stuff in this story would've happened. I read someone else's summary (but I can't remember who it was XP) and I agree with her: Review please! Reviews are my happy crack and they're free!**

_**Ja Ne XDDD**_


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